"Did you use everything I gave you?"

       During Holy Week two of my students traveled to Honduras with Gehlen Mission Honduras. Today they had the opportunity to share their experience with our school system.  We had the opportunity to hear their stories, see their pictures, and watch a video Gehlen created of the trip.

        Though I have been on service trips myself, seeing the trip through their eyes provided another experience.  First, I am amazed that a small Catholic school system in Iowa maintains a fully operational, year-round mission program thousands of miles from their own town.  Their school is able to provide the financial and spiritual support necessary to run such a mission by volunteering their own "time, talent and treasure."

        Sitting next to Liam and Katy (the two students who had taken the trip) as the movie played, I could see tears in Katy's eyes as she relived the memories, and hear Liam patiently explain the pictures to his younger siblings. They answered their classmates questions, talked of lessons learned, and affirmed their own desires to return.  As the movie played, one quote stood out to me.

 "Did you use everything I gave you?"

   I was forced to ask myself, do I?  Do I use everything God gave me?  Do I truly use all my resources wisely - my time, my talents, my gifts, my treasure?  I know how I want to answer God at the end of my life, and I know I am a long way from reaching that goal... I know that there are days when I waste the valuable time I have been given.  Days when I rest in fear and anxiety instead of using my talents to serve others.  Days when I make excuses instead of use my gifts.

Sitting on my bureau is a glass of water.  It is room temperature.  It has sat there since I poured it last night, when I wanted some water before going to sleep.  It doesn't matter we think, water runs freely from our taps.  It is in this simple act, the fact that after finishing this entry that I will get up, dump out the water and refill my cup, that I am already failing to use what I am given.  80% of the world's health problems stem from poor water.  Poor water quality is the reason I met a child in Mexico whose mother thought he might die - he had diarrhea.  Poor water quality is the reason my students took month's worth of anti-malarial medicine before venturing to Honduras.

At the end of our lives, how will we answer.  What will we say when God asks, did you use everything I gave you?

Finding God in Nothing:

“find God in all things.”

While I find all of the charisms both interesting and beautiful, and the general theology of the Jesuits to be sound, it is this principle of “find God in all things” that I am most attracted to. This principle could easily serve as a five word summary of my own understanding of God and faith. I see God in my family and in my friends. I see God in smiling faces. In crying eyes. I see God in children, and hear him in laughter. I see God at the top of the chairlift at Butternut, or at the end of the jetty at Dune’s Beach. I see God in my students and in my roommates. I see God in strangers.

I can – at least most of the time – see God in all things. There is one place however, where I have trouble seeing God. I am able to see God in something, but I can’t seem to find God in the nothing. Most often I see God in people or in nature, but finding God in the spaces between is my challenge. I can hear Him in the birds chirping, or the children laughing, even the people fighting. I have trouble however, hearing him in the silence. I can see Him in the shiny new snow, or the bright fall leaves, or the faces of my students as they return to their pews after communion. I have trouble however, seeing Him in the stillness, in the emptiness.

My goal now? My goal as we enter a new month, a new season of Lent, a new semester? My goal is to see God in both the something and the nothing, to hear Him in both the noise and the silence. To find Him both somewhere and nowhere.

Prayers Please....

Today we found out that one of the Magis applicants for next year's cohort was killed in the earthquake in Haiti while volunteering at an orphanage. Also, one of my students is beginning chemo this week. While I am keeping their intentions anonymous here on the WWW, I ask you to please keep these young people and their families in your hearts and prayers this week. "To be a Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing." - Martin Luther King Jr.

Refreshment....

Friday was a long day. Half a day at school. 7 hours in the car. 400 miles of driving. And then, finally, the ground grew flatter, the sky grew wider, and we were in Nebraska. Cozad, NE. Camp Comeca. Magis Retreat. Long, exhausting, and ultimately refreshing. As Katie's car crunched across the gravel parking lot, and the lodge came into view, memories of summer retreat came flooding into my mind. My shoes filled with mud and melted snow crossing the lawn, and I remembered a warm summer game of capture the flag.

Entering retreat my emotions were mixed, I was enthused to see people I hadn't seen in months, and to catch up with my C8 comrades after months apart. I was also frustrated, knowing I wasn't at the place, with my teaching or with myself, that I had hoped to be at this point in the year. I was ready to be refreshed, and I found myself gaining more refreshment than I knew I needed. The retreat was an opportunity to just be. To catch up with friends. To be in community. To be in solidarity with other first year teachers. To laugh. To cry. To smile. To reflect. To realize it's okay not to love teaching every single day. To talk. To share. To recieve help. To offer help. To realize that even if three is a small number, my community is larger than just Magis Rapid. This was a weekend to realize, that all of Magis is my community, and that in order to survive I need all of them. My goal is not to survive. My goal is to thrive. To feel alive.

Refreshing. Rejuvenating. And then, at the end of the day, after hours in and out of consciousness along I-80, I came to reality. The Sandhills of Nebraska, weren't the sand dunes they vaguely resembled. Turning on to 90-West, it didn't suddenly become the Pike. Exit 8 was still a 24 hour drive in the other direction. The sky grew darker, Hills gave way to Plains, the names on the signs grew familiar again - Wall, New Underwood, Ellsworth. And there in the distance, were the lights. "We can see it now, we're almost there." "Distances can be deceiving out here," my roommate reminded me. But it didn't matter. The distance in time didn't matter anymore. In my mind, I had looked at those lights, and thought, "there they are, that's our city." In that moment, I realized maybe the lady at Bradley wasn't so far off, when she handed me my baggage claim sticker and said "Have a safe flight home." Rapid will never be my hometown, but, at least for the moment, it's my home.

A picture is worth a thousand words -- and the big picture is beautiful.

As I count down the days until Christmas break, and an east coast reunion, the stress seems to cloud the big picture. I have my own semester assignments to finish, quizzes to facilitate and grade, a paper to write, papers to read, plannng etc. It is easy in times like this to focus on the negatives. To think of all the things I don't want to do. But looking at a friend of mine's blog today reminded me - only we can control our happiness. Happiness is an attitude. Sure negative things can and do happen, and these things affect our emotion. As anyone who has even met me knows, succumbing to stress is almost an inevitablity for me. But that still doesn't change happiness - happiness is an attitude, the choice of how we choose to respond to things. No matter our situation, we always have something to be happy about! So, in my attempt to ward off all stress (and maybe, to procrastinate for a short 5 minutes), I am following the suggestion of some very smart women, and making a list. A quick and easy list, of thirty things which I can be thankful for and happy about in my life today and everyday. Can anyone really be sad after listing 30 fabulous things about their life?

1.) A guest came in to my classes today and spoke for half of each class.

2.) (Almost) all of my students were well behaved today.

3.) I recieved a care package full of cookies in the mail.

4.) I will be on the east coast in LESS THAN A WEEK!

5.) I had kluski for dinner and it was delicious.

6.) Our entire community was home for dinner tonight, and ate together.

7.) It snowed yesterday and it is very pretty.

8.) It was above 0 when I left school this afternoon.

9.) The first STM home basketball game is this week.

10.) We got to light three candles on the Advent wreath this morning.

11.) My students made comics last week - now I have something I can actually look forward to grading.

11.) The Chinese food restaurant near our house has a BOGO entree special this week.

12.) I teach in a Catholic school, and can therefore decorate for Christmas!!!

13.) My classroom is covered in Christmas lights (and 250 feet of tinsel.)

14.) I got to celebrate the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe Saturday, with a Bilingual Mass and Mexican food.

15.) Pandora

16.) God loves me - and He loves you too.

17.) I woke up healthy and alive today.

18.) I found a good book in the 50c sale rack at the Library this weekend.

19.) I have family and friends who love me.

20.) I will be reunion-ing in style with the bests next week at the Boynton.

21.) I made Baked Brie yesterday.

22.) Creating this list is thought provoking.

23.) A picture is worth a thousand words - and even when the details are blurry, the big picture is beautiful!

24.) I have inspiring people in my life.

25.) I have a mission for my life, and I am closer to achieving that mission today than I was yesterday.

26.) Ruby (my car) is holding out in cold weather! Perhaps better than me.

27.) South Dakota doesn't plow - but its okay, because I don't feel bad when we don't shovel!

28.) I ate two peppermint patties while writing this.

29.) I am in my comfies under a warm blanket as I write this, and a warm cuppa tea is soon to come.

30.) I have more reasons to be happy than I realised before writing this.

Think of your own life -- what are you thankful for and happy about today? What are your 30?

Happy New Year!

Today marks the first Sunday of Advent, in addition to that meaning I am only three weeks from heading East, it also marks the beginning of the New Year in the western Church. With the start of this New Year, we are given the opportunity to prepare for Christ's coming - not only the memorial of His coming at Christmas, but also preparation for the time at which Christ will come again. As Fr. Dave reminded all those at St. Isaac Jogues in his homily this weekend, we all prepare for things in a different way, and the coming of Christ is no exception! The Church encourages us to use the season of Advent as a time of prayer, penitence, and thanksgiving as we prepare to memorialize Christ's first coming, and that time in which we will reach our salvation with Him. Even with these general guidelines, we will each experience and reach for God in different ways. In order to reach toward God, I belive it is sometimes necessary to set specific goals. Just as we make New Year's Resolutions on December 31st, I believe it is also necessary to set "spiritual resolutions." While we can - and should - set spiritual goals throughout the year, this first Sunday of Advent, and start of our New Year seem a perfect time to begin! Here are my spiritual resolutions, for the Church year 2010. 1.) Finally finish reading Armchair Mystic! I got this book almost three years ago, and have still yet to finish it! I was really frustrated with myself over this, until I reread the introduction, in which Fr. Thibodeaux states that we are not all or always ready to begin meditative prayer, I realise that I am now more ready to begin this type of prayer life than I was in the past. 2.) To read at least one non-Jesuit prayer/spiritual book. I have nothing against the SJs, I have just realised that almost all of my spiritual knowledge and education has been from the Jesuit perspective, and I believe that the more well rounded my spiritual education is the more well developed my spirituality will be as well. Suggestons (Catholic or otherwise) very welcome!! What are your resolutions this Advent?

The Magis Pillars - Spirituality

Like other UCCE programs (and for that matter the majority of other service programs I have seen friends enter such as JVC, Capuchin & Augustinian volunteers etc.) the Magis program is driven by three pillars - one of which is spirituality. As I have progressed through my life, and on my spiritual journey I have found that each phase of my life makes me realize the necessity of God's grace and support more than the last. This has certainly been true as I enter a phase of my life which takes me away from my home, and in charge of a classroom of teenagers even on the days I forget that I am actually a REAL adult now... As I reflect on the beginning of my time in the Magis program, I realize that the spirituality pillar is in many ways two-pronged. We are asked to expand our personal relationship with God, to make progress on our spiritual journeys, but are also given support, resources and guidance to help us along the way. During the summer this support came in the form of regular faith sharing gatherings with our chaplain Fr. Anand, shared prayer/Grace before community meals, the Magis Missioning Mass, and our summer retreat at beautiful Camp Comeca. During the school year I am supported not only by Magis itself, but also the community of my school - STM - where we have weekly Mass or prayer services, grace before Lunch, prayer at every football game, and everyday over the intercom and in classes. Just as important to my summer, as these formal spirituality activities were the ones that simply arose in our time as community - the opportunities to attend daily Mass in St. John's, the simple witness of praying before lunch in Skutt, and the casual yet intellectual conversations which managed to occur in almost any setting. Magis Teachers with Omaha Archbishop George Lucas at Commissioning: St. John's Church at Creighton University - while it was lacking in the intimacy and familiarity of the Chapel of the Holy Spirit, it was beautiful and a great place to attend Mass all summer: For more photos of Commissioning, Summer Fun, Retreat etc. check out our community photo albums on Picasa at http://picasaweb.google.com/magisphotos